Autistic Formulas

I’ve been thinking about my observations of self and of my son, H who is 7. This is what I’ve concluded:

Autism + Environment = Outcome. Beardon, 2017.

I strongly suspect awareness of self, the differences between self & those around you and an awareness of what is required to experience that sense of belonging plays a huge part in the space between the = and the Outcome.

I suspect the creation of the mask occurs within that space.

I also think that the awareness of self, the awareness of differences between self & those around you and an awareness of what is required to experience that sense of belonging is a cyclical ever evolving movement.

This movement causes a build up of complex protective layers - like the skin- constant friction from an external influence causes the body to adapt or risk harm.

If the friction is intense over a relatively short period, a blister appears. Owch.

Less intense over a longer period and instead thickened skin forms. That thickened area feels less sensitive to touch. This is where I believe identities start to get lost & the facade becomes second nature- a conditioned response to the environment that I believe caused me- an Autistic person -to convincingly pose as a PNT.

This doesn’t stop here though; my owning of the facade gives way to projecting said facade onto my child. Only when I become aware of my mask and unpick the layers/sand down the skin thickness, can I start to fully experience/appreciate how it is to feel 100% Autistic and therefore fully empathise and sensitively parent my Autistic child as an Autistic.

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